Dr. Tricia Livingston PhD

The concept of long-distance co-parenting can be a challenge to navigate for both parents and children. In many cases, these kinds of arrangements are necessary, caused either by the demands of a job, relocation, or a separation or divorce. It can be a tricky balancing act of ensuring that the children are receiving a balanced upbringing, while also ensuring that both parents have the opportunity to spend quality time with their children.

 

The Challenges of Long Distance Co-Parenting

There are many challenges associated with long distance co-parenting. Some of the most common challenges include:

• Communication: Communication is essential for any successful co-parenting relationship, but it can be even more important in long distance co-parenting. Parents need to be able to communicate effectively about everything from school and medical appointments to discipline and holiday schedules.
• Transportation: Transportation can be a major expense for long distance co-parenting parents. Parents may need to fly or drive long distances to visit their children, which can be costly.
• Time: Long distance co-parenting parents may have less time with their children than they would if they lived closer together. This can be difficult for both parents and children.
• Feelings of isolation: Long distance co-parenting parents may feel isolated from their children. They may not be able to attend their children's sporting events or school plays, and they may not be able to see their children as often as they would like.
• Feelings of jealousy: Long distance co-parenting parents may feel jealous of the other parent who has more time with the children. They may worry that the other parent is getting more involved in their children's lives, and they may feel like they are losing out.

 

Tips for Long Distance Co-Parenting

With the right strategies, however, long-distance co-parenting can create a positive experience for everyone involved. Here are 25 long-distance co-parenting techniques that you can use to help your children thrive:

 

1. Set clear boundaries. Before beginning any kind of long-distance parenting arrangement, it is important to set clear boundaries between both parents. These boundaries should include who has the responsibility for certain tasks, such as medical care, educational decisions, and household chores. This will ensure that both parents are on the same page about their responsibilities, which will make it easier to work together to provide a balanced upbringing for the children. 
2. Stick to a schedule. Creating a regular schedule for visits and time together is key to creating a successful co-parenting arrangement. This helps the children know what to expect and ensures everyone is able to plan ahead. An ideal schedule might include weekends, holidays, phone or video calls a couple of times a week, school vacations, and any other logical times when the children and parents are able to see each other.
3. Have honest conversations. Both parents must communicate openly and honestly with each other, as well as with the children. Discussing any issues or concerns that arise can help to resolve any issues and ensure that everyone is on the same page. If any differences of opinions arise, it’s important to discuss a resolution and to make sure that both parents’ views are respected.
4. Be respectful. It’s essential that both parents show respect for each other when co-parenting from a distance. This means refraining from any insults or backhanded comments, as this can be damaging to the children. Instead, focus on speaking kindly about your former partner, even when in disagreement.
5. Create a united front. One of the goals of long-distance parenting should be to present a united front when it comes to topics such as discipline, rules, and expectations. This way, the children will be receiving consistent messages from both parents and know what to expect.
6. Make sure you both take responsibility. It’s important that both parents take an active role in the children’s upbringing. This can include things like arranging visits and providing emotional support when needed. Both parents should also attempt to stay up-to-date on the children’s schedule and activities, as well as any changes that occur in their lives.
7. Share information. When both parents are not together, it can be difficult to stay in the know with what’s going on in the other parent’s household. Sharing information regularly is essential to creating a successful long-distance co-parenting arrangement. This can include information such as the children’s medical appointments, school progress, and any issues that require discussion or consensus.
8. Set realistic expectations. It’s important to set realistic expectations for both parents when it comes to managing a long-distance co-parenting arrangement. Both parents should be aware of the kind of time that can be dedicated to visits with the children, as well as any other obligations or responsibilities.
9. Talk to your children. Make sure your children know that both parents still care about them and are still involved in their lives. Talking to children on a regular basis can help to reassure them that they are still loved, even when far away.
10. Facilitate meaningful connections. There needs to be an effort to ensure that connections between the parent and child remain meaningful, even when separated. This can include things like sending letter, emails, or packages, having regular video calls, or even having weekly Monday morning phone calls to start the week off right.
11. Create consistent points of contact. Although both parents should be actively involved in the children’s lives, it can be helpful to assign one parent as the primary contact for any day-to-day communication. This designated parent can be the point of contact for their partner, who can then share any pertinent information with the other parent.
12. Foster healthy relationships. It is essential to ensure that the children establish and foster healthy relationships with both parents, as well as their extended family. This includes encouraging children to stay in touch with their other parent when possible and allowing them to spend time with their relatives, even if they are far away.
13. Make use of technology. Technology can be a helpful resource when it comes to long-distance parenting. Utilizing video calls, text messages, emails, and other online messaging services can help to bridge the gap between parents.
14. Encourage connections with peers. In some cases, having an understanding of the children’s social life and issues can be difficult with a long-distance parenting arrangement. It’s important to make sure that children stay connected with their peers, so they don’t feel isolated or lonely.
15. Find ways to celebrate. No matter how far apart, both parents can work together to create special moments for their children, like birthdays and holidays. This can include sending cards or special gifts, talking on the phone or video chats to celebrate together, or even hosting a virtual party or gathering.
16. Create traditions. Creating traditions around the family unit is something that can be done long-distance. This could include going on a holiday, planning special meals, or even having movie nights.
17. Provide structure. It is important to create a structure in both households, including setting daily routines and rules. This will provide security and consistency for the children which is important while parenting long-distance.
18. Utilize private forums. Creating a private online forum or group can be helpful for both parents to stay in touch and share information. This might include links to articles that focus of parenting and ways to help with the children’s development.
19. Modify visitation plans as needed. In some cases, the visitation arrangements may need to be modified due to changes in either of the parent’s work schedule or other life changes. If this is the case, then both parents should assess the situation and modify the plan accordingly.
20. Examine legal agreements. It is important to examine any existing legal agreements, such as a custody order or parenting plan, to determine what changes may need to be made to accommodate the distance between the parents.
21. Assign roles. If the children are old enough, assigning roles to each parent can be a helpful way to create a sense of involvement. This can include things like helping with school assignments, making decisions around extracurricular activities, or assisting with transportation.
22. Remain flexible. When co-parenting long-distance, it’s important to remain flexible, to ensure that the children’s needs are met. This might include altering a visitation schedule or providing permission for a last-minute trip home with one parent if needed.
23. Refrain from making comparisons. All children need and deserve love and attention from both parents. Refrain from making comparisons or suggesting that one parent is more important, as this could have negative implications on the entire family dynamic.
24. Send pictures and gifts. Developing a relationship through long distance can be much more difficult. Sending pictures with personalized notes and meaningful gifts on special occasions can help the children feel connected to both parents.
25. Prioritize self-care. The best way to ensure that you are able to provide consistent care and support is to practice self-care. Make sure to schedule in time for yourself, so you can stay healthy and be the best parent you can be.

 

In addition to the tips above, here are some additional things to keep in mind when long distance co-parenting:

• Make sure your children know that they are loved and supported by both parents. This can be done through regular communication, visits, and gifts.
• Be respectful of the other parent, even if you don't always agree with them. Your children are watching and learning from you, so it is important to set a good example.
• Don't badmouth the other parent to your children. This will only make things more difficult for everyone involved.
• Focus on the positive. Remember that you are both parents who love your children and want what is best for them. By working together, you can make long distance co-parenting a success.

 

Support for Long Distance Co-Parents

There are a number of resources available to support long distance co-parents. These resources can provide information, guidance, and support. Some of the most common resources include:

• Counseling. Counseling can help parents to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and develop a co-parenting plan.
• Support groups. Support groups can provide a safe space for parents to share their experiences and get support from others who are going through the same thing.
• Online resources. There are a number of websites and online forums that offer information and support for long distance co-parents.

 

Navigating long-distance co-parenting can be difficult, but with the right strategies and techniques, it is possible to create a positive experience for both parents and children. Using these tips and techniques can help create an environment of love, trust, and consistency, so that everyone can thrive.

Warning:  This post is neither financial, health, legal, or personal advice nor a substitute for the advice offered by a professional. These are serious matters, and the help of a professional is recommended as it can impact your future.