15 Tips for fathers to win a custody battle
Society has perceived the mother as a nurturer and the father as a provider for centuries. The concept originated when humans used to survive by gathering and hunting for food. Back in those days, men went out for gathering or hunting, and women stayed back to look after children.
Now times have changed. Women have equal rights - they are as much of the gatherers and hunters as men are. They can even earn more than their husbands. However, women are still considered the primary caretakers of their children. During a divorce, the wife often gets custody of her children. Husbands are required to provide monthly child support and pay for additional expenses. The husband is granted access to his children on weekends or gets shared custody.
If the former spouses have a good relationship, everything goes smoothly. However, a narcissist ex-wife may make it difficult for her ex-husband to have access or shared custody of her children. Below are some tips for dads dealing with unfair access or custody issues created by their children's co-parent. It could be that the court has granted them access, but the ex-wife is doing it otherwise.
1. Request Access To Kids
The first step is to request access to kids. The request should be in writing. You can do it via certified mail with a return receipt, email, or text message. Make sure to do it politely. Having a phone or video conversation is highly discouraged unless the state law permits you to record the conversations. If you are subject to no-contact orders, your attorney should request access on your behalf. Go to the court if needed. It is your right to see your children.
2. Document Everything
You should start a journal of all conversations with your co-parent. If you are having a video or voice conversation, you should let them know that you are recording it. Print all the emails. Take screenshots of all the text messages. Make copies of all the letters sent by certified mail. A family court will look at you favorably if you have put a genuine effort to see your kids.
3. Document Mother's Mistakes
If you think your children's mother has done something harmful to kids, you should document it. It doesn't matter how small the mistake is, the family court will consider it. An alienating parent is a big no in family courts.
4. Share All Third Party Communications
Your children's mother should be included in all communications about them with a third party. These include activities, child care, education, and medical care. It will demonstrate that you are genuinely putting an effort to be a co-parent. It will also force your co-parent to reciprocate and include you in all communications.
5. Do Not Email, Post, Say, or Text
Do not email, post. say or text anything you do not want the judge to know. It can and will be used against you. Even a small conversation or joke with a common friend or relative can hurt your case. Anyone can be called a witness against you. Communicate with your co-parent respectfully.
6. Have Positive Conversation with Kids
When you see or speak to your kids, always have positive conversations with them. Never say anything negative about their mother. Instead, praise her. It will be difficult initially, but it can yield a positive outcome for you.
7. Show Love To Kids
Anytime you see or speak to your kids, tell them that you love them and miss them. Tell them that you cannot wait for your turn to spend time with them and do something fun. And when you see them engage them in some fun activity. It could be making cartoons on paper or planting new flowers. Kids don't care about expensive activities. They just want to have fun in everything they do.
8. Stay Away from Drugs
Any substance abuse is a big no. A family court will not be kind to a father who is an alcoholic or a drug addict. Stay clean. If you are an addict, then it is time to get treated. That is the only way to have access to your children.
9. Focus on Mental Health
A fight for child custody can be very stressful. It can trigger anger or other health issues. As a father, you should be proactive about your mental health. By speaking to a therapist, you can learn to control your anger. You can also work on correcting any negative behaviors. This way your children's mother cannot claim that you are mentally unstable to take care of your kids.
10. Stay Healthy
Stress caused by the custody battle can affect your health. To fight stress, you may be inclined to consume alcohol, eat unhealthily, or take drugs. Any of these behaviors will go against you in the family court. Instead, focus on eating healthy, exercising, and meditation. A father with a healthy lifestyle gets favorable treatment in court.
11. Financial Fitness
Financial fitness is also critical to proving your right to access your children. If you are not financially stable and need help, you should immediately engage a financial advisor. Several non-profits can help with financial planning too. You will need to convince the court that you have financial resources to take care of your kids while they are with you.
12. Child Support and Expenses
Missing child support payments is one of the top reasons fathers lose access to their children. If you have to pay child support and expenses, make sure to make those payments. The expenses such as kids' activities and medical co-pay are considered additional to child support. Make sure to contribute your share. Create a log of all the payments you have made with copies of returned checks or direct deposits. Also, save all bank statements.
13. Stay Out of Legal Troubles
Staying out of legal troubles is the key to keeping access and custody of your children. If you end up in jail for some reason, you will lose access to your kids.
14. Flight Risk
If your children's mother has family or roots in a foreign country, she may try to take them there so that you don't have that access. Legally she cannot do so without court approval. However, to make sure that it doesn't happen, you can put restrictions on your children's passports. You will have to get a court order to do so.
15. Document a Plan
Document a parenting plan to show the court how you will be spending time with your kids. List all the family and friends' support you will get to provide an enjoyable experience to your kids. Having a list of aunts, cousins, grandparents, uncles, and other guardian figures will convince the court. Create a list of activities you and your kids will be spending your time on. Also, include how often you will allow your kid's mother to speak to them while in your custody.
Related:
Splitting expenses with your ex
Tips for financial success after divorce
Finance matters during divorce
Protecting credit during divorce
Warning: This post is neither financial, health, legal, or personal advice nor a substitute for the advice offered by a professional. These are serious matters, and the help of a professional is recommended as it can impact your future.