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Spotting Emotionally Abusive Co-Parenting

Emotional abuse can take many forms, but there are several key signs that you may be in a situation of emotionally abusive coparenting. You may start to notice that your child's other parent is:

• Isolating your children from you
• Attempting to humiliate or degrade your child
• Diminishing or making fun of your child’s opinions and feelings
• Speaking to your child in a disrespectful way
• Treating your child as an extension of themselves
• Berating your child in an attempt to make them feel bad

 

If you notice any of these signs when your child is with their other parent, you should take action to protect your kids. It is important to remember too, that children make meaning of the messages they hear in different ways, so even if the other parent isn't being intentionally emotionally abusive, the different messages they may be sending can still be confusing and hurtful.

 

Taking Protective Action

When it comes to protections your children from the potential harm of hearing different messages from their co-parent, there are several steps you can take. The first is to have a conversation with the other parent about their behavior. Gently explain to them why their negative language about you or your child can be hurtful. If talking to the other parent does not yield positive results, you may decide to resort to more formal methods of establishing boundaries.

 

Creating a parenting plan is one way to set boundaries with your co-parent. This document should clearly outline the roles each parent plays and the parameters around your shared custody of the children. With a parenting plan in place, the co-parent is more likely to maintain their distance and can no longer deliver their negative messages directly to your child. The parenting plan should also include a stipulation that any disagreements or problems should be discussed between the parents and away from the child.

 

If your coparent's emotionally abusive words are particularly hurtful and damaging to your child, or if the other parent does not respect the parenting plan, you may need to take further steps to protect your child. If necessary, you can create a supervised visitation arrangement, in which a mediator or even a therapist meets with the other parent and your child during their custody time.

 

How Will the Words Affect My Child Long-Term?

In the short term, hearing negative messages from their co-parent can cause your child to feel confused, frightened, or disempowered. These difficult emotions can create a range of mental and physical side-effects, including increased stress, loneliness, fear, and anger.

 

While there may be short-term physical and psychological repercussions, the long-term impacts of hearing different messages from each parent can be serious. Your child may grow up feeling insecure or that their feelings or opinions are not valid. They may even internalize some of the negative language and use it on themselves to the point that it affects their self-esteem and long-term outlook.

 

If your child has been the victim of emotionally abusive co-parenting, it is essential to take steps to ensure their safety and emotional wellbeing. Although it can be hard to maintain an open line of communication with an emotionally abusive parent, it is important to not shut them out entirely. Your child needs both parents and no matter the circumstance, it is important to ensure that your child is able to maintain a healthy relationship with their offending parent.

 

Seeking Professional and Emotional Support

It is critical that the children of emotionally abusive co-parents get professional support. Working with a therapist or even a family coach can help in a variety of ways. Your child may benefit from therapy to help them understand their feelings and gain coping skills that will equip them to deal with their emotions. This can be incredibly beneficial in helping them process what they've been through and gain perspectives that are constructive. Talking to a therapist can also help them create healthier boundaries when it comes to their co-parent.

 

Psychotherapy isn't the only route to take – counseling family coaching is also a transformational approach that can help children of emotionally abusive parents. A family coach can help create safe spaces for your child to express their feelings, provide guidance for developing healthier relationships with their coparent, and offer strategies for conflict resolution.

 

Dealing with an emotionally abusive coparent can be a difficult and traumatic situation for both you and your child. Although it can seem daunting to take the necessary steps to protect your child from further hurt, it is essential that they are shielded from any more negative words or messages. Understanding the symptoms of emotional abuse and taking proactive steps to protect your child can help in the short and long-term.

 

Related:

• Co-parent Communication
• Elective Co-parenting
• Co-parneting with a narcissist
• Co-parenting with a toxic ex
• Parallel Parenting Plan
• Co-parenting Therapy
• Platonic Parenting
• Third-party Communication
• Co-parenting with a former partner
• Parenting Plan Tips
• Divorce Mediation for Dads
• Co-parenting With A Violent Ex
• Co-parenting Culture
• Co-parenting Communication Tools

Warning:  This post is neither financial, health, legal, or personal advice nor a substitute for the advice offered by a professional. These are serious matters, and the help of a professional is recommended as it can impact your future.