Tips for Planning for a Contested or High Conflict Divorce
High-conflict divorces are common
It is frequently estimated that approximately 25% of divorces fall under the classification of "high-conflict." However, having a divorce that doesn't meet the criteria for high-conflict doesn't necessarily imply an absence of conflict; divorces commonly involve varying degrees of discord as couples separate from their former spouses.
Indicators of a high-conflict divorce include:
1. Contentious negotiations during divorce proceedings.
2. Unwillingness to compromise or collaborate.
3. Strained custody situations marked by disputes.
4. Failure of alternative dispute resolutions, necessitating litigation.
5. Difficulty or near impossibility of communication between spouses.
Couples undergoing a high-conflict divorce often find it challenging to maintain civility. Instances of one spouse disparaging the other or attempting to damage their social or professional reputation are also common. These experiences can be highly distressing, and if you find yourself in such a situation, know that you are not alone.
Handling a High-Conflict Divorce
Navigating a high-conflict divorce, whether dealing with vindictive behavior or a resistant spouse, can be emotionally taxing. However, there are steps you can take to manage the situation, maintain composure, and stay focused.
Tips for managing a high-conflict divorce:
1. Establish and uphold clear boundaries.
2. Facilitate communication between your respective lawyers.
3. Refrain from engaging if your former partner attempts to provoke you.
4. Avoid discussing your divorce online and steer clear of social media.
5. Resist using your children as intermediaries or to spy on your spouse.
In high-conflict divorces, couples often find themselves disputing every aspect of their settlement, leading to emotional and financial exhaustion. It's advisable to strategize with your attorney, identifying crucial issues and areas where compromise is possible. Preparation and a well-thought-out approach can help streamline the negotiation process, even in the face of a combative partner.
Impact of High-Conflict Divorce on Children
During a high-conflict divorce with children, it's crucial to shield children from being drawn into the turmoil. Divorce is challenging for children, and high-conflict situations can exacerbate the difficulties. Some parents inadvertently use their children as pawns or sources of information about the other parent's household, which can be emotionally harmful.
Tips for co-parenting through a high-conflict divorce:
1. Keep the focus on the children and their needs.
2. Limit communication to specific methods, such as email, allowing thoughtful responses.
3. Explore alternative dispute resolution methods when appropriate.
4. Seek the assistance of a family counselor when necessary.
5. Consider involving a neutral third party for exchanges.
It's also worth considering an alternative approach to co-parenting in the aftermath of a high-conflict divorce. The parallel parenting method, as opposed to traditional co-parenting, may allow for stepping back, reducing communication with the former spouse, and prioritizing the well-being of the children.
The Consequences of a High-Conflict Divorce
High-conflict divorces can cast a lasting impact on you and your family. Ideally, after a contentious divorce, the hope is to part ways, never crossing paths or communicating with your former spouse again. However, for many couples, this ideal scenario is not feasible. Especially when children are involved, ongoing communication and interaction with the co-parent may be unavoidable. You may need to agree on a co-parenting schedule or how to split coparenting expense. Similarly, if joint property still exists, contact may be necessary until that property is sold. You may need to figure out how to split finances and property post divorce and what settlement mistakes to avoid. There may also be some unclaimed property that you may discover after divorce.
In such cases, it becomes crucial to prioritize the well-being of yourself and your family. Many individuals grappling with the aftermath of high-conflict divorces find therapy beneficial. Taking care of your mental health is paramount in these situations.
Prepare for Settlement
In the process of preparing for divorce, it's essential to be ready to present reasonable settlement offers on issues where you possess all the necessary facts. This might seem counterintuitive at first.
If you anticipate a contested divorce and are confident that your spouse will not be willing to settle, why should making settlement offers be a part of the planning process? The rationale is to position your spouse for a potential attorney fee claim in case they reject reasonable settlement offers or refuse to engage in sensible settlement negotiations.
Even if the likelihood of your spouse being reasonable and cooperative is low, presenting settlement offers compels your spouse to take a stance. Providing an opportunity for your spouse to adopt unreasonable positions can work in your favor, strengthening your case if it eventually goes to a hearing, and the final outcome aligns with or resembles the offer you proposed. This holds true for both spouses, whether lower or higher earning.
Post-Divorce Legal Guidance
As previously highlighted, the conclusion of a divorce does not always mark a complete separation from your former spouse. If lingering issues persist, such as matters related to spousal support, child support, or property division, seeking legal advice post-divorce may be necessary.
The two most prevalent post-divorce issues our attorneys encounter are:
Modifications: Situations may arise, such as a job loss, relocation, or significant life changes, making it impossible to adhere to the original court order for alimony or child support. Seeking a modification allows either party to request an amendment to the original order to better align with current life circumstances.
Enforcement: This involves one party seeking the court's assistance in compelling the other party to comply with a court order. For instance, if spousal support is awarded and the paying partner refuses to fulfill their obligation, filing a contempt petition with the court may be necessary.
Warning: This post is neither financial, health, legal, or personal advice nor a substitute for the advice offered by a professional. These are serious matters, and the help of a professional is recommended as it can impact your future.