Dr. Tricia Livingston PhD Having a conflict with your co-parent or partner? - Start Neutral Mediation

Fifty Tips for Parallel Parenting

1. Start with yourself. Before discussing arrangements with your co-parent or former partner, make sure you have your own parenting style and priorities clear in your head.
2. Respect the other parent’s time with the child. Steer clear from asking your child about their experiences during their other parent’s visit as this will make them feel guilty.
3. Encourage positive relationships. Kids should be allowed to maintain and develop relationships with both parents. Venting your negative opinions about the other parent will not help with your child’s bonding experience.
4. Avoid comparing the other parent to yourself. Your child should love and appreciate both of you in their own unique way.
5. Put your child’s needs first. Not your own. Put aside your parenting differences for their benefit.
6. Respect different parenting styles. You may have different parenting tactics, but always be open to new ideas.
7. Communicate. Keep the lines of communication open. Try to talk things out and be willing to compromise.
8. Exercise flexibility. Be sure to build in some breathing room in your parenting arrangements so that scheduling changes can be made easily should an emergency arise.
9. Set up a contact plan for your children. It should include contact dates, times and locations.
10. Cooperate to achieve your goals. No matter how much you may disagree with each other, always keep the best interests of your child in mind.
11. Establish a support system. Talk to counselors, family, or friends to help you cope with parallel parenting.
12. Avoid heated disputes in front of your children. This can cause a negative impact on their behavior, mental wellbeing, and self-esteem.
13. Don’t put your child in the middle of any conflict. Don’t use your child as a messenger – communicate directly with your co-parent.
14. Help your child adjust to the change. Always be encouraging and supportive of the situation. Assure them that you are there for them, no matter what.
15. Discuss rules and expectations for both households. This will create a sense of consistency for your child and help them adjust to living in two homes.
16. Maintain schedules. Follow a routine to ensure a sense of stability and predictability for your child.
17. Rewrite vacation plans. If one parent is going on business, consider staying with your co-parent to watch over the children.
18. Respect court decisions. If the court has ruled on an issue and it is the law, then it should be adhered to at all times.
19. Make sure your child’s needs receive attention. This includes their medical, educational, and emotional needs.
20. Stay organized. Keep a planner and divide your time wisely.
21. Keep a record. Document dates, times, and issues regarding court decisions, parenting plan requirements, and other important information.
22. Keep parenting conferences positive. Take the time to talk about your child’s progress, not parental differences.
23. Set boundaries. It is important to respect each other’s private lives.
24. Develop family traditions. Participating in joint family activities will provide your child with a sense of security even after divorce.
25. Show respect. Always be courteous and adhere to agreements, even if you disagree.
26. Maintain financial support. Keep up with any court ordered payments and keep records of your payments.
27. Enforce consistent rules. This will provide a foundation of stability so that your children know what to expect in each environment.
28. Encourage open communication. Help your children cope with the changes by asking them to share their feelings.
29. Don’t forget to enjoy your time with your children. Focus on the positive experiences.
30. Remain consistent. Follow through on your commitments, established court orders, and ensure your child’s needs are being met.
31. Give your children time to adjust and be patient. Adjusting to a new routine can be difficult and stressful.
32. Show care for the other parent. Refrain from belittling your former partner in front of your children.
33. Show respect for the other parent’s home. Don’t pull your child out of activities in the other parent’s home without discussing it first.
34. Make sure your child is comfortable and secure in both homes. Make each home similar in terms of furnishings and decorations in order to make your child feel at home.
35. Maintain open lines of communication. Avoid sending messages to your former partner through your children as they become confused and uncomfortable.
36. Stay aware of your child’s academic, emotional, and social development. Educate yourself on the common issues associated with divorce and custody arrangements.
37. Listen to the other parent’s point of view. Try to resolve differences, even if it feels uncomfortable.
38. Model positive behavior. Show your children that even if you don’t agree, you can still treat the other parent with respect.
39. Keep all communication civil. It’s not worth sacrificing your child's emotional well-being just to win an argument.
40. Don’t speak poorly of the other parent in front of your child. Your child should be able to come to their own conclusions without negative influence.
41. Invite your former partner to important events. This shows your child that both parents can be involved, despite their differences.
42. Document conversations and conversations in writing. An agreed-upon contract might be helpful in establishing a positive co-parenting relationship.
43. Negotiate common limits. Decide on rules and expectations that are consistent between both homes and enforce them.
44. Focus your energy on problem solving. Stay focused on resolving the problem instead of making accusations.
45. Talk about your former partner in a positive and healthy way. Let your children know that you are still working together for their benefit.
46. Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Listen to their thoughts and respect their emotions.
47. Participate in your child’s activities. Show your child that you are involved in their school, sports and extracurricular activities.
48. Don’t schedule important events on your child’s scheduled visitation times. This can disrupt the child’s routine and could lead to conflict.
49. Make sure your child has possessions at both houses. Make sure they have clothes, books, and other important items that they need to function in both homes.
50. Maintain steady involvement with other family and friends. Be present one day and absent the next, this will allow your child to adjust to both lifestyles.

 

Parallel parenting is a beneficial form of custody for parents who are divorced or never married. Keeping children in a stable, secure, and loving environment involving both parents is in the best interest for all parties involved. Although it may be challenging, parallel parenting is a viable option for providing children with support and guidance from both parents. By following these tips, divorced or separated parents can co-parent successfully, promote positive relationships between the children and both parents, and maintain an overall sense of order in the household.

 

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Warning:  This post is neither financial, health, legal, or personal advice nor a substitute for the advice offered by a professional. These are serious matters, and the help of a professional is recommended as it can impact your future.