Michael J. Peterson, Attorney Having a conflict with your co-parent or partner? - Start Neutral Mediation

 

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be an extremely difficult and stressful situation, especially when there are several types of naracissists. Unfortunately, it is an all too common reality for many individuals; the American Psychological Association estimates that about 65% of divorced couples with children are involved in co-parenting arrangements. When the non-narcissistic parent is having to deal with the manipulative and often aggressive tactics of a narcissistic ex-partner, it can be a challenge to continue to maintain positive relationships with their children. It is important to understand the dynamics of co-parenting with a narcissist in order to successfully navigate these difficult relationships.

 

First, it is important to be able to recognize the signs of narcissism in order to properly identify the problem. A person with narcissistic personality disorder will typically display traits of grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, unreasonable expectations, entitlement, and exploitative behaviors. They may also be extremely sensitive to criticism and tend to externalize blame onto others.

 

Boundaries of Co-Parenting

The dissolution of a marriage or separation is a difficult process and can be emotionally draining, especially when there is an emotionally abusive parent involved. Divorcing a narcissistic spouse can be especially challenging, as they are often difficult to co-parent with. Co-parenting with a narcissistic spouse in a high-conflict divorce can be truly overwhelming but setting and maintaining boundaries is a must if you want to protect yourself and your children.

 

When co-parenting with a narcissist, it is important to establish boundaries that you are comfortable with, and that are in the best interest of your children. This includes setting boundaries on how often you communicate, in what manner, and with regard to parenting decisions. For example, you may choose to communicate via email or text messaging, and you may choose to have a third-party intermediary involved when discussing complicated issues. Additionally, you should have clear expectations on shared decision-making regarding your children and be willing to express these expectations to your narcissistic ex.

 

It is also important to set boundaries with regard to how much time you spend with your ex. Generally it is helpful to establish a consistent schedule and to limit face-to-face conversations. A regular visitation schedule can help to reduce the likelihood of your ex engaging in any manipulative behavior or attempts at coercion.

 

It is also important to create boundaries with regard to parenting topics you will not tolerate from your ex. When co-parenting with a narcissist, it is especially important to set firm boundaries around topics such as parent-child interaction, discipline strategies, and any negative comments about you or your parenting style. It is also important to recognize that your ex may try to make any conversations contentious, so it is important to remain firm in your boundaries, and to not to engage in any offensive or personal comments.

 

Signs of a Narcissistic Co-Parent

As a divorcing parent, you need to be aware of the signs of a narcissistic co-parent. Narcissists are unable to empathize and prioritize the needs of their children, making it incredibly difficult to co-parent in a healthy way. To help ensure the wellbeing of your children, it is important to recognize the signs of narcissism in a co-parent and take the necessary steps to protect your children.

1. Sense of Entitlement: A narcissistic parent believes that they are due privileges and rights that aren’t typically afforded to others.
2. Exploitation of Children: A narcissistic parent may take advantage of their children’s trust and use them as pawns in their game of power and control.
3. Jealousy of Child’s Time with Other Parent: A narcissistic parent may be envious of the time the child spends with their other parent and may manipulate the child to choose them over their other parent.
4. Making Decisions for Child: A narcissistic parent may make decisions for their child without taking into consideration their wants or needs.
5. Blaming Others for Problems: A narcissistic parent may blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings instead of taking personal responsibility for them.
6. Blaming Others for Misbehavior of Child: A narcissistic parent may always blame the other parent or their ex-partner for their child’s misbehavior.
7. Triangulation: A narcissistic parent may involve other people in their conflicts in an effort to make the other parent look bad.
8. Abusive Behavior: A narcissistic parent may use manipulative or coercive tactics to control and dominate their co-parent.
9. Control and Domination: A narcissistic parent may use their authority to control and manipulate the other parent’s behavior.
10. Inability to Accept Criticism: A narcissistic parent may be unable to accept criticism or seek to understand their faults.
11. Lack of Empathy: A narcissistic parent may have difficulty empathizing with the feelings and needs of their children or other parent.
12. Obsession with Having the Last Word: A narcissistic parent may seek to always have the final say in arguments, even if it means pushing the other parent away.
13. Rigid Thinking Without Flexibility: A narcissistic parent may have an unwavering belief that their opinion is the only one that matters.
14. False Accusations and Insults: A narcissistic parent may use false accusations and insults to hurt the other parent.
15. Destruction of Property: A narcissistic parent may destroy property or belongings in an effort to get revenge on the other parent.
16. Lack of Apology or Willingness to Make Amends: A narcissistic parent may refuse to apologize or make amends after they’ve done something wrong.
17. Always Having to Be Right: A narcissistic parent may always insist that they are right, even in the face of evidence to the contrary.
18. Enmeshment: A narcissistic parent may be overly involved in the lives of their children, resulting in a lack of boundaries or respect.
19. Use of Guilt as a Tool: A narcissistic parent may use guilt and manipulation to gain control over their co-parent.
20. Showing Off: A narcissistic parent may show off the possessions or achievements of their children in an attempt to boost their own self-esteem.
21. Isolation of Parent from Child: A narcissistic parent may attempt to isolate their co-parent from their child in an effort to gain control.
22. Attempts to Alienate the Child from Other Parent: A narcissistic parent may try to convince their child to stop seeing their other parent or badmouth their co-parent in an attempt to make their child resent them.
23. Refusal to Participate: A narcissistic parent may refuse to participate in joint decisions, leaving all decision-making solely up to them.
24. Refusal to Cooperate: A narcissistic parent may not cooperate or compromise with their co-parent, resulting in zero progress.
25. Lack of Accountability: A narcissistic parent may refuse to accept responsibility for mistakes or bad behavior, instead blaming the other parent. These are the signs of a narcissistic co-parent. If you suspect that your co-parent is displaying these behaviors, take action now to protect the well-being of your children.

 

 

Is Parallel Parenting a Solution?

Parallel parenting is becoming an increasingly popular solution to deal with a narcissistic co-parent.  Parallel parenting involves setting realistic boundaries for the divorcing parents. Parents should focus on the children’s needs and work collaboratively to ensure those needs are met. Rather than communicating through each other, parents should interact directly with the children. This eliminates the potential for conflict and encourages the children to feel secure in both households.

 

Parents must be aware of how their decisions and attitudes impact their children. Even when divorced, parents must not forget they are still a team. It is important to remember to be respectful, reasonable, and tolerant of each other’s parenting styles. Showing respect and civility can help reduce stress and make life easier for the children.

 

Divorcing and separated parents should also be open to compromise, communication, and collaboration in order to make parallel parenting successful. Though it may seem daunting, effective co-parenting can help children adjust and feel secure even in this challenging new living arrangement.

 

Parallel parenting is a great solution for civilized divorcing and separated parents. With effective communication and compromise, parents can help their children adjust to the new environment without adding extra stress for everyone involved.

 

How to Prevent Problems with a Co-parent

As a co-parent, raising children with a narcissist can be difficult and emotionally draining. While it can be complicated and hard to cope with, there are ways to manage the situation and prevent problems before they arise.

 

The first step is to be aware of narcissistic behavior. Narcissists can be controlling, competitive and highly critical. They tend to be inwardly focused, and may become defensive when confronted. They may also try to manipulate you or coerce you into getting what they want. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step to addressing them and preventing conflict.

 

Secondly, set boundaries and be consistent. A narcissist may attempt to push your boundaries, so it’s important to be clear and firm about what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Enforcing boundaries if a narcissist does cross them will help keep the situation under control.  Treat your relationship like a business relationship.

 

Another way to prevent problems with a narcissist co-parent is to practice respectful communication. Speak in a calm and controlled manner and avoid personal attacks. Listen to their point of view without getting defensive and try to find common ground. By showing empathy and understanding, you can help create a more harmonious atmosphere between the two of you.

 

Finally, take care of yourself. Negotiating a healthy relationship with a narcissist can be draining and overwhelming, so it’s important to prioritize your own mental and physical well-being. Seek out healthy coping mechanisms like talking to a therapist or engaging in activities that bring you joy. Remember to set aside time for yourself and take breaks when needed.

 

Raising children with a co-parent who is a narcissist can be challenging, but by practicing awareness of their behavior, setting boundaries and engaging in respectful communication, you can help create a more harmonious and supportive environment for both you and your children.

 

Guiding Your Children Around a Narcissist Parent

When it comes to divorce and families, it can be difficult and stressful to deal with the situation, especially if the parents are not on amicable terms. Children can often get caught in the middle, struggling to navigate between two contentious parents. If one of the parents is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), it can be even more overwhelming for the child. Here are some tips for guiding your child to deal with a narcissistic co-parent.

 

1. Validate Your Child's Emotions: It is important to let your child know that they are allowed to have their own feelings and thoughts and that it is ok to disagree with their other parent. Let them know that they can express what they are feeling and think without judgement or criticism.
2. Encourage Open Communication: Encourage your child to talk and discuss their issues with their other parent calmly and respectfully. Encourage your child to communicate their feelings in a honest and straightforward manner and remind them to stay focused on their own feelings and needs, without becoming defensive.
3. Teach Problem-solving Skills: Help your child to learn how to problem-solve and find effective solutions to difficult issues. This will show them how to express their emotions, find common ground and negotiate in a respectful and mature way.
4. Talk About Boundaries: Encourage your child to set boundaries with their narcissistic co-parent. A narcissist has no respect for boundaries, but it is important for your child to understand that their co-parent’s behavior isn’t acceptable and that they don’t have to tolerate any unreasonable behavior.
5. Provide Support and Reassurance: Reassure your child that they are not responsible for their co-parent’s behavior. Remind them that you are there for them, and provide emotional and practical support whenever needed.
6. Seek Help: If the situation with your co-parent becomes too difficult to handle, talk to your child’s teacher, doctor or a psychologist who can help your child to cope with their emotional distress. It is important to seek help if your child is exhibiting any signs or symptoms of emotional or mental distress.

 

The most important thing to remember is that you should never try to handle the situation with the narcissistic co-parent on your own. You and your child should always seek help and support from family, friends, and professionals.

 

Related:

• Elective Co-parenting
• Co-parenting with a Malignant Narcissist
• Co-parenting with a Female Narcissist
• Co-parenting with a Covert Narcissist
• Co-parenting with a Grandiose Narcissist
• Co-parenting with a Communal Narcissist
• Co-parenting with a Neglectful Narcissist
• Co-parenting with a Self-Righteous Narcissist
• Parallel Parenting
• Co-parenting With A Violent Ex
• Emotionally Abusive Co-parenting
• Co-parent Counseling
• Grey Rock Co-parenting
• Healty Co-parenting Tips
• Dealing with a Co-dependent parent

Warning:  This post is neither financial, health, legal, or personal advice nor a substitute for the advice offered by a professional. These are serious matters, and the help of a professional is recommended as it can impact your future.