Co-Parenting with a Covert Narcissist

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Co-parenting with a narcissist can be a challenging and frustrating experience. Narcissists are often controlling, manipulative, and self-centered, and they may put their own needs ahead of the needs of their children. This can make it difficult to communicate effectively and to make decisions that are in the best interests of the children.

If you are co-parenting with a covert narcissist, there are a few things you can do to make the experience less stressful and to protect your children.

Understand the signs of covert narcissism

Covert narcissists are often difficult to identify, because they may not exhibit the same overt behaviors as other types of narcissists. However, there are a few key signs that you may be dealing with a covert narcissist, including:

They are passive-aggressive. Covert narcissists often use passive-aggressive tactics to get what they want, such as sulking, giving the silent treatment, or making snide remarks.
They are manipulative. Covert narcissists are skilled at manipulating others to get what they want. They may use guilt, pity, or charm to get their way.
They are emotionally unavailable. Covert narcissists have difficulty empathizing with others and may seem emotionally detached.
They are critical and demanding. Covert narcissists often have high expectations for others and may be critical of their children's behavior.
They are controlling. Covert narcissists may try to control their children's lives in a variety of ways, such as by dictating what they can and cannot do, who they can and cannot see, and where they can and cannot go.

Set boundaries

One of the most important things you can do when co-parenting with a covert narcissist is to set boundaries. This means establishing clear rules about communication, visitation, and decision-making. It is also important to stick to your boundaries, even if the narcissist tries to manipulate you into breaking them.

For example, you may want to set a boundary that you will only communicate with the narcissist in writing, or that you will not discuss your children with them in front of other people. You may also want to set a boundary that you will not allow the narcissist to make unilateral decisions about your children's lives.

Document everything

It is important to document everything that happens during your co-parenting interactions with the narcissist. This includes any conversations you have, any decisions you make, and any incidents of abuse or neglect. Documenting everything will help you if you need to go to court to enforce your boundaries or to protect your children.

Get support

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be a very isolating experience. It is important to have a support system of people who can understand what you are going through and who can offer you emotional support. This may include friends, family members, a therapist, or a support group.

Remember that you are not alone

There are many other people who are co-parenting with narcissists. There are resources available to help you, and you are not alone.

Additional Tips

Be prepared for the narcissist to try to undermine you. Narcissists are often very good at playing the victim, and they may try to make you look bad to your children or to other people. Be prepared for this, and don't take it personally.
Don't engage in the narcissist's games. Narcissists love to argue and to start drama. Don't give them the satisfaction. Stay calm and focused on the issue at hand.
Don't badmouth the narcissist to your children. This will only hurt your children and make it harder for them to adjust to the situation. Instead, focus on the positive things about yourself and your parenting style.
Be consistent with your boundaries. The narcissist will try to push your boundaries. Be firm and consistent with your boundaries, and don't give in.
Take care of yourself. Co-parenting with a narcissist can be stressful. Make sure you are taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. This means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, and spending time with people who make you happy.

If you are co-parenting with a covert narcissist, it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are resources available to help you, and you can get through this.

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Warning: This post is neither financial, health, legal, or personal advice nor a substitute for the advice offered by a professional. These are serious matters, and the help of a professional is recommended as it can impact your future.